drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
