Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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