I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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