is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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