Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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