so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
