A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
