Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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