i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
