Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
