Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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