Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
