I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
