we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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