You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
