ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
