so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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