Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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