So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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