neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
