What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
