he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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