And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
