ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
