Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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