Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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