You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
