When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
