I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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