my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
