Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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