She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
