shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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