As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
