Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
