as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
