im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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