he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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