Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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