i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
