I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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