just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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