If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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