We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
