the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
