Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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