I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
