this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
