Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
