In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Your penis caused this!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
