you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
