i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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