someone get that fucking seahorse.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
