It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
