I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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