She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
