Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
