How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize