Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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