He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
