So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
