This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
