Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
