I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
