Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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