So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
