That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
