so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize