Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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