I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
