You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
