hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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